How I Learned That Emotions Do Belong at Work (Just Not in the Way You Think)
One of the best performance reviews I ever received started with this from my boss:
“Shannon, don’t take this the wrong way, but I think of you as one of the guys. You don’t come in here and cry, and I can give you a suggestion for improvement without you getting emotional.”
At the time, I took this as high praise. I believed emotions had no place at work—you were supposed to roll up your sleeves, get things done, and leave your feelings at the door.
Turns out, that way of thinking was wrong.
We all bring emotions to work. The real challenge isn’t pretending they don’t exist—it’s knowing how to use them without being overcome by them. That’s where emotional intelligence comes in.
Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage your emotions while also tuning into the emotions of others. It’s basically the difference between being a leader people want to follow and the one they only tolerate because they need a paycheck.
Just to be clear—being emotionally intelligent doesn’t mean you have to agree with how others feel. You just have to see how they feel that way. Big difference.
When you can acknowledge and validate emotions (including your own), you:
Connect on a deeper level
Build stronger relationships
Reduce conflicts
If you want to sharpen your emotional intelligence, try a strategy called, “looping for understanding.”
It’s simple—after someone shares something, repeat the key points back to them to confirm you understood. Try saying:
“What I heard you say is…”
This little phrase does three magical things:
Forces you to listen instead of mentally drafting your next response.
Shows the other person you value what they’re saying.
Reduces misunderstandings before they spiral into unnecessary drama.
Here’s your challenge for the week: Try looping for understanding in your next conversation and see how people respond. (Bonus points if you use it on a toddler—good luck with that.)